Monday, June 28, 2010

Get Busy

I have decided to start taking dance classes. To be honest I am a bit frightened by the idea of my very plump self exercising in front of skinny people. I also hate that I will probably have to dance in front of a mirror. What the hell is that? Why do they put those huge mirrors up?

Ultimately, I am workong on body acceptance and self acceptance so I am excited. I want to become more fit and I would like to restructure my relationship with exercise. Having an eating disorder as an obese person can be rough but I really need to stop thinking of being active as punishment for being fat because that is why I dont do it. It is so weird but I could not figure out why I felt guilty when I exercised. I now know.

It is because I feel such a sense of shame. And because exercise is supposed to right my wrong right? No. Not so. Gotta change my mind.

I do feel like I am exercising for weight loss though. I do not want to expect an amount. I do believe in HAES and fat acceptance but I also believe in gravity and statistics about Black women. Especially Black women from poverty. And having BED is more than just oh I have to accept my size. I absolutely do but the weight on me is more than genetics. It is an ED and I have to reverse some of what I have done. I just dont know what my set weight is. It is all so confusing.

Bottom line. I would like to get more active.

1 comment:

Bri said...

That is so awesome (that you are going to start taking dance classes). I always wanted to do dance when I was a kid. Like you I wish I could find a physical activity that I enjoy, that I am passionate about. Keep us posted how it all goes.