Im Home

Thats all. I am not having the best time being back home. I got food poisoning and I am already feeling bogged down by negativity. Blah blah blah. Blah. But whatever.

I start summer school late this month. So yay.

I will write more later.

Misc

I have one more exam left. I am a little tired. I am tired and I am sad as well. I dont know if its the rain or what but I just feel so lethargic and like not doing anything. It's rough because I have 4 journal articles to read and some googling to do and some refreshing of powerpoints. All that for my exam tomorrow which I still won't be prepared for. But I am not sweating it that much. It is the most important exam that I have to do because the class is to finish my women's studies minor but I will just have to bit the bullet and take another class if I fail. I pray to God I dont, but who wants to stress?

I went to a BBQ today with everyone. It was so fun. I will seriously miss these people. It is so nice to just have the fun the way I have while I have been here. Constantly meeting people and such. I just cannot believe that I will be gone and back to Akron. I am so scared that I will get my old life back. I do not want my old life. I will die if I have it. I just can't do it. I have to just live one day at a time, no stress, no negativity, and just meet new people and flirt and go to parties and stuff. Right before I left home, I started to and I will try to continue to. The dynamic of the people is different though. Were all international students looking for the same thing. I have learned what I like though. I dont like clubs. I hate clubs really. Well, not hate. I suspect I will be going to Oceana if they go on Friday (club) but I still prefer not going. I have been doing a lil drinking. I never really drank at home. Well I shouldnt say that because some new friends of mine got me to drinking right before I left. Maybe thats why I started drinking a lil more here. I love cider. What in the hell will I do without cider? Do we have cider at home? I hope.

Anyways. I dont know. I just have to be upsheveled again. But I really do miss my friends and family and my cat. I dont want to romanticize my time here. I mean, it is the way it is and I do love it but I also love my friends and family at home. I love that I can talk regular without worrying about grammar and shit and not correcting myself. I do thank everyone here though because I have become a better listener and a much slower talker. I appreciate that.

I am worried about duty. I hope to goodness that I do not have to pay duty on anything. I asked my study abroad advisor if she had any insight and all she did was direct me to the damn website. I obviously have Internet. Sheesh.

I emailed this girl on Craigslist about an apartment and she seems okay but I do not know if I want to live with a roommate. I just dont know. But I dont know if I want to live alone after living with so many people and just never being alone. I have not felt alone here. I will say the first week is it. After that, bam, never felt alone. Everyone is just here. Sigh.

Okay, I hate to be so down. I have two conflicting emotions. I have sadness and happiness going on.

Okay, okay. I know. I still have to do two posts. One on traveling Black and on studying abroad in general. Yes, I know. I have an exam. I am not even supposed to be on here right now but I am procrastinating. I seriously am tired of looking at books. But yea, anyways. lol

Home=Soon

I just wanted to share one of my favorite photos from Italy! :o)

Whew. Let me tell you. I have so much to do and so little time to do it.

I come home on Saturday. I am sad and happy about that. I love my life here but I miss my fam and friends at home. I am so much calmer here and I love my everyday schedule. I love shopping for food everyday and having cheap food available. Yes, I do think groceries are cheaper here. I love not having a McDonald's one every street. I live in a town where there is only ONE and I repeat ONE McDonald's. Seriously. I just will miss this. I know I keep saying the same things but I really think America sucks on the food front. Well I should say on the advertisement and fast food front. And prices as well. Yea...sucks.

I will NOT miss the school system here. I dont like the way the U.K or I should Wolverhampton does their classes and such. I just dont like it. At all.

I have three essays back to back this week. I have the cinema one on Tuesday, American Literature on Wednesday and on Thursday I have Sex in the 18c. I am so scared that I will not pass one of these classes. I just got back from Italy and before then I was in Paris. I have not studied. It was really hard trying to study while in Italy. Doesnt work. lol. I was in Florence and it was just magnificent. I will do a post on traveling alone when I get home because I need to. And then a final post about studying abroad in general. I dont think I have been really good with this blog though. It seems that it is not easy to blog, travel, study and mingle.

Well, I need to do some more work. I just ate lunch. Which was tasty. I had some white rice, chicken sauteed in white wine and Green beans with butter. And for desert I had a coke. lol. No really though, coke is sweet, why not use it as a dessert? Anyways, I need to get a move on it. I have the audacity to be procrastinating right now. Its ridiculous.

Just Got Back From Paris, France

Hellooo!

So I havent written in a while and its because I am traveling. But I do need to come and just write right now. I am feeling overwhelmed. I just feel like I have so much to do right now. I am going to Italy tomorrow and I still have so much homework to concentrate on. When I come back, I will be cramming and I do not cram very well. I am not a good cram student. I am just afraid that I will get very poor grades in my classes while I am here. And its because I am more focused on traveling and meeting new people than I am on studying.

Can you seriously blame me? I mean, if I fail, shame on me, but if I gets C's...im just gonna have to suck it up. The thing is that I am trying to get into graduate school and I cannot get itno graduate school with horrible grades and horrible recommendations and just horrible horrible. I am really afraid about this process. I need to start taking a GRE prep course. I need to take the GRE. I am taking 3 classes. It's just like, oh my gosh. I will not see anyone this summer. Seriously. I will have to really focus. But I feel like if I am overwhelmed with doing all of this I should probably reconsider graduate school because I mean, come on. I dont think this is anything.

Anyways. This is just going to be a random message. I am broke. Seriously. I have 200 dollars and my hostels cost 100 and I need to catch a train once I get to Italy. This means I have no food money and no spending money. I care less about the later. I am still going to go though because oh well. I have asked to borrow some money from my moms but if they dont let me, I will be okay. I will be bringing 3 apples, some fruity bar thingies, and some crackers. I went broke in Paris and for lunch yesterday, I had crackers and an apple. lol. This is crazy. But I didnt care. I didnt obsess about it. I didnt go into ED mode. I just said, okay, its all up to my higher power and keep moving. And youd be surprised what your body can work on.

So, if I run out of money, I will be okay. As long as I can make it home. But most importantly, I am STUDYING in Italy. I cannot look at this as if I am only visiting. The only reason I can go is because I have to make myself study. It would be ridiculous if I didnt. I will fail, no doubt. I have to watch this movie, I have to. AGHHH. I am like freaking out. Coming home is making me nervous. What if I dont get my cat in time? What if I dont find an apartment? I just have to chill at and do one thing at a time.

Okay, I am gone. Too much to do. Im not proofreading this.

*Sigh*

I am really sad that I will not be able to meet up with Matthew again before I go home. Matthew is a friend from home who is also visiting Europe and we were going to meet up in Rome. But as most of my friends know, I missed my plane to Rome. He is now in Florence. But I wont be in Florence until the 12th. He then goes to Paris. And I go to Paris this weekend. It totally sucks. I don't mind traveling by myself to a certain extent but I hate that this was my fault really. I should have planned to go to Paris later and I also should have not forgotten my passport. I could have met up with him in Florence but it would have been financially straining because it was so much since the date was so close. And also, I found a cheap ticket to Florence for 67 pounds.

I am just scared that I am going to get lonely, traveling 9 days by myself. I go to Paris and Italy back to back. France is only 3 days so its not that bad. I am excited about going to the Louvre! But I will have no pictures of me and the eiffle tower or me and anything else. There will be no pictures of me in France or Italy. And that really sucks ass. And I wont be able to share my excitement and stuff. Its just really frustrating. I wish I would have just taken the more expensive route and went to Italy now. Italy shouldn't be too bad though. I am going from 12-16. And I will be in Pisa the first night and Florence the rest but will be taking a day trip to Bologna in which a friend may be able to get a contact for me. I have a friend from Bologna. I hope he can.

I am excited about my hostel in Florence because its badass. It has a gym and a sauna and a pool. So I will bring my swimsuit and just do other things if I am bored or a lil sad. And I have to bring homework for the train and such. I will be okay. Its good to have some alone time and some soul searching time.

I will be okay. My friend Matthew has traveled 3 months by himself! He is not going to school. He is just traveling alone. I have so much respect for him. He is such a cool guy. I do need to make sure that I am safe. I am traveling alone and I am a woman. Maybe I will get money again and I will come back to Europe before I am 30. Actually, that is an official goal of mine. To travel to Europe before I am 30. I am 22 so I have 8 years to make it back to Europe. And with a friend. This may be a hard goal. Being that I am in thousands of dollars of school debt but it could definitely be doable. lol. Oh and credit card debt...yikes!

Okay, I just needed to talk about this and let it out. I am going to be okay. These next 4 days are going to be really busy for me.

So Much To Do

Before I start complaining, I want to share a picture of the plant that my friend Virginie from Belgium gave to me! Of course, I can not take it with me. But I will buy one when I get home so I can always remember her and our fun times! It is so beautiful and it smells so good! It is very strong actually. I can smell it when I lay down in bed. The lil note says "Take care of it as you do it for me!" I think it is so cute! I wish I could take it on the airplane. :0(

I have so much shit to do before I leave here.

I have 3 revision essays. What this means is that I have essay exams in which I know the questions and I need to form them before I actually go in. They expect it. Isnt that weird? Thats not how it is at home. If there is an essay exam, you rarely know the questions.

I have to write 1 essay and 5 blog entries for my one class.

Grrr. So I officially have 3 full weeks left. I have to have all of this done by the last week. Your thinking...oh, how easy. Not so much. I will be away for about 9 days. I will be going to Paris, Bologna, Florence, and Pisa. So I have to do some studying while I am traveling. There is no way.

I thought that I was going to have a D on my one essay and I ended up having a B which is great. I mean, better than a D right. So, right now, I have 3 B's and one C. I got a damn C on my Representation and Cinema class. Pisses me off. I aint lying.

Who told me to take a damn cinema class? And I really wasnt very humble about it. The reason why I got a C is because...I didnt use enough film language. Who woulda knew? The comment said that I knew a lot of gender theory which was good but I didnt use enough film critique. Gr. How annoying. Anyways.

The thing is that. There are 2 classes that are for my English minor. 1 class for my womens studies minor and 1 class for nothing. Diddly squat....

Problem is the Representation and Cinema class is for my English minor. And if I dont get a C or higher, I will not be able to use it for my minor. If I dont get this class for my minor, the other one doesnt matter. Which is my American Literature class. Mind you, I aint using no English in grad school. The class that really matters is my Sex in the 18c class because it is for my WS minor in which I wont be able to get into graduate school without.

So yes, I am slightly stressing.

Oh and for those of you who read my blog. I missed my flight to Rome because I forgot my got damn passport. Aint that some ish? I wasted 330 dollars! But now I will fly into Pisa and visit Florence and Bologna as well, so I am disappointed but I will still be able to go to Italy. I am actually scared to go to France and Italy because I am Black. More Italy than France though. But its just because of the stories I have heard. Oh well, I will be okay. I am so blessed to be able to go to these places and even though I am slightly stressing about getting things done, I CANNOT forget that. Maybe I wasnt meant to go to Rome. Oh well.

Today has been fun though. And I got some work done. I painted some of the girls nails and we just sat in the kitchen and laughed. And I have to say...Belgian chocolate is the best chocolate in the world. MMMmmmm.